Slivers

By Cynthia-Roses


A Feeling Only a Mother Could Give


“Ryan you'll be late for school if you don't get up.” Called the soothing voice of Angelina.

She had a very soft effeminate voice that seemed to make pleasantry on one's ears. The voice of an angel. Occasionally Ryan would hear his elder sister singing, sometimes in the shower, and sometimes outside. Her voices heavenly qualities only multiplied when she sang. She could sing a song that would have you in tears from the beauty of her voice. Often times Ryan would sit listening to her sing. He would stop what he was doing and just close his eyes as the sound ran through his ears.

Ryan was downstairs within a moment all ready for school. Angelina had expected as much, as Ryan listened quite well when his sister asked something of him. She never had to order or demand anything, as Ryan would either do it without being asked, or did it without question. It was better that way, as no one could ever picture or imagine Angelina demanding something, or even raising her voice.

Glancing at his beloved older sister Ryan saw her outfit complimented her delicate womanly figure so well. She had on a simple sporty blue skirt that allowed her legs to roam freely. Her blouse was nicely tucked, and she had a tie on. She kept all her jewellery on as well, including the precious silver cross which she cherished dearly.

“You look great sis.” Ryan complimented in awe.

Angelina pet the top of Ryan's head, “thanks, you do too.”

Standing in awe he was impressed by how grown up she looked. He himself always looked so childish and innocent. His sister had innocence, but not the same childish innocence he had. What Angelina had, no one could replicate.

It was hard to believe she was only eighteen, she seemed all grown up even though she looked young and beautiful.

Her and Ryan went to the same school, and she would be graduating this year. So because they went to the same school, she always walked to school with him. They rarely walked home together though, as she mostly had clubs and other extra curricular activities to attend to. She was on the honor roll, and senior class president. She was quite a popular girl, as everyone wanted to be around her.

Sometimes though she wouldn't have anything after school and would walk with Ryan home. Sometimes she got home early too, as seniors were allowed to leave early if they had no work for the rest of the day. During those walks home, Ryan always forgot the troubles of the day before him.

Occasionally Angelina would even cancel all her activities to walk Ryan home if she thought something was bothering him. She wouldn't hesitate at all if Ryan needed to go home early, and such a decision had to go by her standards. Angelina didn't care if the school said it was no big deal, she took him home. In a heartbeat she'd leap to help Ryan.

Ryan always felt so fortunate to have such a wonderful sister. She felt just as fortunate to have Ryan as he did to have her, that's for sure.

The walk was quiet and calm as always. Ryan felt so faithful to his sister, and was glad she would take him to school. If she for some reason didn't have to go to school, she didn't make Ryan walk to school that day. She just called the school and said Ryan wasn't able to make it.

As soon as they stepped foot on the school ground Angelina turned and faced Ryan while kneeling down to where she sat was hunched down in front of him. She was only five foot seven, but Ryan was short for his age standing at only four foot eleven. She was fairly tall for a female, but not too drastic.

“Okay Ryan, I know it's tough, but remember what we talked about yesterday.” Angelina tried to lift Ryan's spirits.

Ryan nodded in agreement.

Angelina continued, “don't let anyone get to you. You're a wonderful person, and you'll do great things and I know it.”

“Thanks sis...” Ryan replied softly.

Angelina brought Ryan in for a hug. He smiled and allowed his body to relax in his loving sister's embrace. That feeling of protection that only she could give was back while he was being held in her caring arms. They parted from the hug, but her hands stayed on his shoulders.

“Listen Ryan... Since mom died... I know you've been sad. I miss her too, but she's in a better place now.” Angelina comforted.

Ryan fell silent and lowered his head a tad in sadness.

“It's hard for me too Ryan. I have to assume the role of not only your sister, but your mother too. I also have to act as my own mother now.” She explained.

'That's right', Ryan thought. He didn't realize how hard this was on her. With their mother gone he had her to take care of and guide him, but no one was there to take care of or guide her. She had to grow up right there and then. Ryan had no way of understanding what Angelina had to be feeling. Although she was motherly, and loved him as much as his mother, she could never be his mother. No matter how much she tried, she knew she'd never replace their mother, and she was aware of this.

Angelina smiled, “mother really loved you Ryan. She cared so much about you.”

She took her hand and lifted Ryan's chin to rise his head to eye level with hers.

“Before she died...” She began.

She hesitated for a moment and sighed, but looked Ryan in the eyes and told him what she knew.

“She told me to take care of you. To watch after you. She said she loved you very much, and she would never stop. She said she'd love you from heaven, and God will always love you. You're going to be someone and make her proud Ryan. I won't let anything bad happen to you, and you know that.”

Ryan smiled and spoke at last after his long silence. “Thanks sis.”

“You're the best brother a sister could ask for Ryan, and I'm proud of you.” She smiled sweetly.

Ryan came in and received another embrace.

“Alright, have a good day. I'll be home later; I have a council meeting tonight.” Angelina said as she parted from the hug.

Watching intently as Angelina walked towards the school, Ryan was in awe at how beautiful she looked. Her walk was brisk and casual, but womanly and feminine at the same time. No other way but blood would Ryan even have such a beautiful and charming woman in his life. Admiration towards his sister was high, and obviously she held him in high regards. Ryan would always try his best to prove to her that her trust and regards were well placed, although he would never be able to compare to her.

The school day was about the same as always; uneventful and monotonous. Repetition of the same classes day in and day out which all had a curriculum that seemed identical to the last would wear down on any student after prolonged exposure to them.

That same empty void seemed to be what was ailing Ryan as always. It would just scratch at his heart, never dig deep enough to make him break down, but just make him feel insignificant towards the vast world around him. He wasn't exactly sure what would fill that void, and never found anything that came close. It was a mystery he could never wrap his fingers around.

More than likely it was just him getting older he always thought. It made the most sense to him, and sounded like the most plausible reason.

He wasn't exactly depressed, but he wasn't exactly feeling too great about the world either. It was a mix of being anxious to find something that would change his life, and a feeling of boredom, with a third unidentifiable feeling tossed in.

Always under the impression that f he waited long enough he'd have an answer to this feeling, but at the same time getting impatient of waiting. It was ironic as he was the most patient person he knew. With a strong belief that anything to wait for is well worth it, and anything worth doing is worth doing right. Ryan liked to make sure everything was complete when he had to partake in it. He once did an entire group project for science by himself because he felt his group members would leave it unfinished.

At the very least Ryan was thankful. He was thankful for his loving sister and all the other great things in his life. No one could truly tell that Ryan had this feeling inside him. No one except his loving sister that is, and her understanding of it was limited at best.